all i want is a nice camera so i can take pictures besides on my phone. i’m annoyed that the only pictures i have were taken on a phone, and even those i don’t have a lot of them because I’m an idiot and didn’t back them up, and they couldn’t be transferred from my other phone because the screen was too broken. blahhh.

woke up this morning to a two inch roach crawling up my leg, then jordans bum. we finally killed it after searching for it for like 30 minutes.
right when i’m taking my make up off jordan says there’s another one in the room. we killed it, again after looking 30 minutes.
i swear, if i get woken up by one again i am going to freak out.

it’s honestly a MIRACLE my husband turned out so amazing coming from this group of people hahaha
and that’s my positive thought for the day, so thankful for him. ♡

basically have bennetts birthday planned and mostly everything except food bought! i’m so excited(: it’s going to be dr seuss theme. compared to the first birthdays they do here, ours will be super small, and i feel like people are going to look down on me. haha but what’s the point of spending thousands of dollars?!

growing up i was always so excited to get married so i would have a mother in law, because i knew how much i loved my mom and i thought it would be so fun to have 2, and it’s so sad that it’s not like that. hahaha, it will NEVER be like that. his mom has never liked me (or atty.) every morning when i see her i say hi or good morning and all she says is “oh.”

like honestly. how many times does it take to understand “don’t come in my room, I’m putting Bennett down for a nap” or when they don’t listen to that and come in anyways how many times do i have to say “get out before you wake Bennett up.” these girls are 7 and 9, it should not be that hard. even his mom earlier comes and knocks on the door yelling “sarah, sarah” to give me one piece of mail. and then when i open the door and Bennett had woke up since he just went to sleep she freaks out at me because he’s standing on the bed. well yeah, you woke him up while i was walking to the door.

i always thought my sister in law was so stupid when she wouldn’t let us hold my nephew when she was mad at us, but damn, DON’T EVEN LOOK AT MY KIDS RIGHT NOW. literally, i don’t want any of these stuck up bitches touching my kids, so they won’t. and she sure as hell isn’t coming to bennetts party.

i don’t post on here often, but this is literally the only place I can think of that i can vent and not have Jordans family see it. living like this is literally hell on earth. we live with his family right now, so including us and the kids there’s freaking 9 people in this house, which doesn’t sound like a lot, but it is. there is no air conditioning (i know that sounds so whiny, but honestly i don’t like to see my kids sweating non stop and looking like they’re about to pass out no matter how much water they drink.) there’s freaking mice and lizards and ants and roaches all over the place, his sisters kids are here from 9 in the morning to 9 at night, which shouldn’t be a big deal except they’re so rude to atty. The are constantly pushing, hitting, and kicking her and WE get in trouble for getting mad at them, and when atty does it back she always goes to time put and i talk to her about it, but the kids act like they’re so innocent in it. When it’s just me and Jordan around they’re so rude, but when anyone else in the family is around they act like they’re so nice to her and like to play with her and I’m making it up that they’re rude. seriously half his family won’t talk to me because we told atty they were bad influences once (I would probably be mad to, but I will never let atty like that)
I am literally cooped up in 1 room with the kids, with next to no toys since we moved here with next to nothing and it’s hot as hell. and his mom yells at us for having fans on and is blaming us for their $600 electric bill for freaking using 3 fans.
my biggest fear moving here was that no one would treat atty the same as the other nieces/grandkids because i know his mom doesn’t consider her a granddaughter (on her facebook she named all her grandkids and included Bennett, but not atty. which is not okay with me.) and really, that’s what’s happening. his sisters take the other 2 nieces swimming, to the park, to the beach, to movies, to lunch and to get their nails done and no one ever invites her. ever. We’ve lived here for a month, and not once has anyone invited atty, and obviously she’s old enough to realize that. It’s honestly the most heart breaking thing. and as of now Jordan has the one car we can use at work so i’ll take them on a stroller ride like 2 miles away to take her to do something fun so she doesn’t have to sit at home alone while her cousins and aunts are spending time together.
i’m really sorry for this whole post, but i literally am miserable. and Jordan has 3 jobs now and is going to be gone 6 in the morning until midnight/1-2 in the morning. That’s just temporary, but I can’t stand being alone here.://